Life And Psychology

A happy and successful marriage has its advantages in terms of having a sense of companionship, and social and emotional support. On the other hand, a marriage that is void of compatibility and involves toxicity can be detrimental to both individuals in terms of mental health, sense of self, and personal growth in life. 

At the same time it is debatable that what exactly is a successful marriage? Often a long-lasting marriage is equated with a successful marriage, which may be an inaccurate assessment. A lot of times people prefer to stay in unhappy marriages due to societal pressures such as the social taboo of divorce or being looked down upon for not having a stable partner or companion.

Marriage, therefore, may not always be associated with happiness. Despite this realization, there is still a preference for marriage, because of the argument that being unmarried makes life a lot more complicated, in the sense that it does not fit within the usual societal norms and can make life very lonely. Research, however, gives a different perspective. Contrary to popular belief, being unmarried has been found to have many psychological benefits.

People who are unmarried get to spend a lot more time by themselves compared to married individuals. Due to this, they get more opportunities to develop a deeper insight about themselves. They get a better realization of their abilities and interests. This makes them develop a high level of self-awareness. It helps them get clarity about their goals in life.   

Further, the social psychologist Bella de Paulo suggests that being unmarried allows the individual to have a lot more freedom in life. Often the constraints and responsibilities of being married require making some sacrifices on personal interests and a lifestyle that one would want to lead. 

Being unmarried, however, allows the individual to use their time as they want and pursue their interests, without the concern of the need to give their time to someone else. They can utilize their time the way they want, with a lot more flexibility. It gives opportunities to be self-reliant and not always being socially and emotionally dependent. This allows them to focus more on themselves and their needs, giving more opportunities for personal growth. 

Without the responsibilities associated with a fulfilling married life, it is easier for an unmarried person to have unique experiences in life and take big, life-changing decisions. They have more opportunities to live an expansive life that includes varied life experiences. For instance, they can keep themself engaged in a wide range of activities that will allow more self-exploration, widening their self-concept. It helps to live a life that is psychologically enriching.

Being unmarried also makes the person strong-willed and self-assured, as the decision to be unmarried comes with a lot of challenges. Living a life without being married is often looked down upon. Such individuals are labeled as alone and lonely. In society, marriage is viewed as a necessity, as an important milestone of life, without which an individual is viewed to be incomplete. Often after a particular age, usually mid-30s, it is expected that the person gets married. 

People who do not get married by their late 30s or within their 40s are perceived to be strange, with a number of negative stereotypes associated with it. A large number of people find this to be incomprehensible. It is because of this that many people after a particular age get married for the sake of it. The societal pressure makes them take such a step. Many times, people end up marrying someone with whom they may not have compatibility and have very little commonalities among them. They still continue with the unsatisfactory marriage, because of societal pressure. Sometimes they may not even realize that they are in an unhappy marriage, because it has become something that has been normalized, people feel that that is how marriages are and that is what life is all about.

In a country like India, and other neighboring Asian countries, the concept of arranged marriage has existed for years. In this, the parents or relatives choose a partner (from the same religion, class, or caste) for the person and arrange a marriage for them. Quite often the people getting married do not know each other properly, but still end up getting married. 

Usually, they agree to get married because it is the norm to get married in that way after they reach a particular age. In some cases when the individual is not willing to get married, they are put under a lot of pressure to marry the person who is more of a stranger. These marriages take place because of societal pressure, and even if they are not happy with the relationship, as per the norms, they are supposed to continue the marriage.

Bella de Paulo suggests the societal pressure for marriage is due to what she refers to as matrimania. Matrimania is the societal obsession with marriage. It involves an idealization, glorification, and overhyping of marriage. It is about a fixation on marriage that has been embedded within society that inaccurately equates marriage as a necessity for personal fulfillment. In this sense, marriage being a significant milestone of life, the necessary step to give happiness and meaning in life, is a socially constructed idea, which does nothing but marginalize and stigmatize people who prefer to be unmarried.

In such circumstances, being unmarried certainly makes the person strong-willed. The individual is able to deal with societal pressures, see through the stereotypes of society, and break away from conventions and traditions. This can be viewed as similar to the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche’s concept of the free spirit. 

According to Nietzsche, a free spirit is an individual with profound independence and intellectual freedom. It is someone who prefers to live life in their own way, tries not to be conditioned by society, and knows how to deal with severe criticism. Such an individual has a sense of skepticism and open-mindedness, who lives their life beyond conventions and societal norms. The person prefers to be themself and is not concerned with seeking approval and societal acceptance, even if it means to live a socially isolated life. Thus, a person who decides to be unmarried can be viewed as a free spirit. 

Marriage being a necessity and a significant milestone of life is more of a socially constructed idea. If at all marriage has to be done, it should be for the right reasons, and not because of a particular age or societal pressure. The notion of being unmarried needs to be viewed from a different lens, rather than negative connotations. As Bella de Paulo puts it, being unmarried is about utilizing time and living life the way one wants. It is also about overcoming societal pressures and living a life beyond stereotypes, similar to Nietzsche’s concept of the free spirit.