Society
tries to function by specific, fixed patterns. There are some unsaid and
unwritten norms that have been passed on through generations. These norms have
developed a whole lot of expectations for people. These expectations range from
how people should behave, what they should look like, how they should interact,
to even the kind of skills that people are supposed to have.
Anyone
who does not meet these expectations is directly or indirectly pressurized and
made to go along with these norms. Many conform to these pressures and alter
their behaviors and attitude, even if that may not be being themselves. Many,
however, do not comply. They do so either by choice or fail to comply after
trying to go along, initially. Perhaps they back out, realizing that they
cannot put on an act for too long.
The
people who do not comply or are unable to do so are referred to as the ones who
do not fit in. They are given the label of being a misfit. This
label is not in any way a positive connotation. It is more in terms of a
belittling sense. Going along with the norms of the society, behaving more in
the sense of what is being expected, is something that is liked and accepted.
If not, then the person is supposedly not fitting in, and thus, is a misfit.
The
terms misfit or not fitting in are referred to in a sense that
people are like pieces of a larger puzzle. If an individual is behaving in a
manner that is expected and thus, acceptable, then that person fits in
perfectly just like a correct piece of a puzzle. If the person is not behaving
as expected, then he or she is made to feel like an incorrect or inappropriate
piece of a larger puzzle, which does not fit, and should be replaced or
discarded. The term misfit is then something that is dehumanizing, and thus,
demeaning and disparaging.
Keeping
aside the dehumanizing aspect of the term, doubts do come up on even the existence
of the idea of someone being called a misfit. In the sense that why does
even anyone have to fit in, in the first place? And that, why cannot a person
be just the way he or she would want to be, without complying to the societal
expectations, and be demeaned for that.
Something
on these lines has been suggested by the founder of the school of individual psychology,
Alfred Adler. Adler suggested that each individual is unique, and this
uniqueness should be emphasized. To elaborate on this, he gave the concept of style
of life. Style of life, according to Adler, is the unique way in which
individuals pursue their goals. Once this style of life develops, it remains
consistent and becomes difficult to change. Established in childhood, this
style of life determines all kinds of behaviors, even in adulthood. The
perceptions, attitudes, interpretations are all assimilated according to the
unique style of life of the individual. All that is not in accordance with the
style of life is ignored by the individual.
Extending
his ideas of uniqueness of individuals and style of life, Adler also gave the
concept of creative self. The concept of the creative self suggests that
individuals have the ability to create their own personality. As opposed to the
earlier mechanistic ideas, Adler suggested that the individual, using heredity
and the environment, actively constructs his or her personality, leading to
uniqueness, completeness, and wholeness. The creative self transforms the
individual into a personality that is dynamic and uniquely stylized, giving
meaning to life.
Therefore,
according to Adler’s concepts of style of life and creative self the idea of
being a misfit does not exist, and the negative labelling associated with it is
incorrect. On the contrary, as Adler had suggested, by being unique and
constructing themselves creatively, eventually turns out to be fulfilling. It
leads the person to be dynamic, develops a sense of wholeness, and gives
meaning to life. The negative connotation associated with being a misfit, can
instead be seen as someone who has a unique style of life and a high creative
self.
Similarly,
a person supposedly being called a misfit can actually be said to be someone
who is low on self-monitoring. The social psychologist, Mark Snyder, refers to self-monitoring
as the monitoring of behavior in social situations. Self-monitoring is the
individual difference in the ability and motivation to regulate behavior to
social and interpersonal interactions.
People
who are high on self-monitoring interact more in terms of the appropriateness
of the situation. They are concerned about how others perceive them, and mold
their behavior to suit the expectation of others. Consequently, they are not
consistent in how they behave, and their behavior keeps on changing according
to the type of people that they interact with. High self-monitors are said to
be highly responsive to social and interpersonal cues.
On
the other hand, people who are low on self-monitoring show a lesser concern for
situational appropriateness. Unlike high self-monitors, low self-monitors do
not indulge in manoeuvring themselves, and are thus, more consistent in their
behavior with respect to varied situations and people. Further, instead of
being responsive to social cues, they go along with their inner beliefs,
attitudes, and emotions.
What
is usually referred to as being a misfit, can actually be seen as someone who is
low on self-monitoring. The so-called misfits are often criticized for not
behaving as per societal expectations. This can be viewed as being less
responsive to social cues, like low self-monitors, and being consistent with
their beliefs and attitudes. Because of being low on self-monitoring, they may
not want to or be unable to mold their behavior according to others, and be the
way they want to be.
Keeping
this in view, it becomes incorrect to criticize and devalue a person who is
supposedly not fitting in. Such people are being low on self-monitoring, that
is, they are being consistent in their behavior, and are thus, being more
transparent and trustworthy. Because they go along with their beliefs,
attitudes, and emotions, they can be said to be more aware of these inner
self-aspects. Therefore, they have more self-awareness, which has been found to
have a number of positive aspects such as being able to cope with
uncertainties, being able to deal with adversaries, being empathetic, and
having meaning and direction in life
Going
along these lines, it can be said that the people who are referred to as
misfits, are actually nonconformists - characterized by behaviors that do not conform to existing ideas and practices. Being a nonconformist or nonconformism has been associated with a
lot of positive attributes. Nonconformists are known to be involved in
divergent thinking – developing multiple, unique ideas, and using multiple
methods for problem solving. Divergent thinking is an integral aspect of
creativity.
Further,
the humanistic psychologist, Abraham Maslow, has suggested nonconformism to be
an important characteristic for self-actualization. Self-actualization is the
desire to become completely what one idiosyncratically is, and to become what
one is absolutely capable of becoming. It involves self-fulfilment and working
for the welfare of humanity.
Similarly,
the humanistic psychologist, Carl Rogers suggested nonconformism to be important
in order to discover one’s true potential, what he termed as becoming oneself or fully functioning person. Rogers
believed that people should not try to conform to the expectations of others. Individuals,
according to Rogers, should instead come to terms with who they are, trust their
own experiences, and accept that others are different.
Both
Maslow and Rogers, thus, give a lot of emphasis on nonconformism to be able to
discover one’s true potential and live a fulfilling life. For them being different,
or what is labelled as being a misfit, is not something that should be
evaluated negatively. It is rather something that helps a person grow and
excel.
It
can be clearly seen that the label of being a misfit actually has a lot of
positive attributes associated with it. However, the demeaning label of being a
misfit often causes a lot of distress for such individuals. In the society
people are heavily criticized for being different, for having goals in life
that are unique, and for wanting to live their life in their own way. Such people
are negatively judged by others, face a lot of dislike, and find difficulty in
being accepted.
It
is due to this that many people try to change their behavior in order to get
social approval, and get that acceptance from others. They try to do all that
they can in order to fit in among the larger society, even if it means not
being themselves, resisting their natural tendencies, and inhibiting their
positive attributes.
In
the long run, this turns out to be detrimental. No matter how much they try to
fit in, they are still not being their natural selves, which makes them
experience discomfort, leading to stress and anxiety. They tend to put too much
pressure on themselves, and yet, no matter what they do, they still feel out of
place, because they are not being themselves.
There is often too much emphasis given on social approval and being liked by everyone, which may drag one into sameness and monotony, limiting personal growth. The idea of not fitting in, not getting social approval, and being different may seem to be undesirable and unlikeable, but it does not restrict and limit the individual. There is nothing wrong in being different, in being disliked, in being unique, and in being oneself. It is always better to stand out instead of trying to fit in and yet feel out of place.
There is often too much emphasis given on social approval and being liked by everyone, which may drag one into sameness and monotony, limiting personal growth. The idea of not fitting in, not getting social approval, and being different may seem to be undesirable and unlikeable, but it does not restrict and limit the individual. There is nothing wrong in being different, in being disliked, in being unique, and in being oneself. It is always better to stand out instead of trying to fit in and yet feel out of place.
A
misfit is someone who is actually unique, a nonconformist, low on self-monitoring,
which have been found to be associated with positive attributes. It is these
positive attributes that help an individual grow in life. Trying to fit in, to
get social approval, should not come at the cost of personal growth, and
inhibiting of natural tendencies. Sometimes, instead of trying to fit in, it is better to step aside and move away. There is nothing wrong in being a
misfit; being a misfit is actually a misnomer.
2 comments:
Brilliant .
A well written article
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