Society
enforces a lot of expectations on an individual from a very early phase of
life. These expectations keep increasing and become more varied as the person
grows older and enters into different phases of life. Such expectations have
been carried on for years and in many ways have become an integral part of
society, and have developed into norms that must be followed.
Most
of these expectations are usually about general behaviors, appearance, ways of
interacting, socializing, career choices, and even the kind of success. Most of
the time, an individual is expected to be outgoing, smart, prim, intelligent,
confident, competitive, a good conversationalist, sociable, someone who is
popular and successful – all that makes a person likeable and appreciable.
These
are characteristics that almost everyone would like to have; after all being
likeable is something that anyone would want to be. For some people, however,
these characteristics do not come naturally. No matter how much they try, they
just cannot behave in that manner. They are different from what is expected of
them, right from the beginning, perhaps due to their temperament.
Such
people are often associated with words like socially awkward, shy, timid,
morose, melancholic, or loner. Right from an early stage of life, they are told
by others to behave in an appropriate manner, to be normal, or to be like
others. They are always asked questions like “why are you like this?” or “why
don’t you be like others?”. These are questions that they do not have any
answers to, and would like to be the first ones to know them.
The
inherent condescending, mocking, and sometimes rude tone of these frequent
questions make them realize that they are different and that perhaps there is
something wrong with them. They get the feeling of being looked down upon and
unwanted. As they grow older, this feeling of being unwanted keeps on
increasing. They begin to realize that they are not really liked by anyone, and
they get the feeling of being rejected by everyone.
The
feeling of being unwanted and not being accepted by others is a disturbing
experience. It develops low self-esteem and inferiority complex. It also
develops a sense of loneliness, neediness, clinginess, and an excessive need
for social approval. This excessive need for social approval tends to make such
individuals put in too much of effort and try extra hard to get accepted by
others, which makes them look more needy, and may make them behave in socially inadequate
and inappropriate ways, further leading them to be avoided.
The
experience of social rejection is certainly devastating for the individual. The
belief of not being liked by anyone gives a choking and suffocating kind of
feeling that only leads to the feeling of worthlessness. The person feels there
is nobody to take care of him/her and that he/she is all alone in the big bad
world.
No
matter how devastating the feeling might be, however, it is surely not the end
of the world. It does not mean that the person is doomed forever. Depending on
how the individual takes it all, he/she can either go further down in the
dumps, or he/she can rise above everything and turn the tide – of course,
easier said than done.
When
the individual gets the realization that he/she is not being accepted almost
everywhere, it tends to make that person aloof and relatively socially
isolated; the person experiences aloneness. Being alone, however, becomes
advantageous.
Being
alone, the individual gets more time to spend by himself/herself. The person
gets to put everything in perspective. He/she looks back at all the past
experiences and events in relation to other surrounding events. All of this is
done in terms of an evaluation and analysis, and not in terms of rumination. In
other words, being alone and distanced from others, the individual tends to get
involved in self-reflection. The individual begins to have an inner focus of
attention with respect to thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
All
this self-reflection gives the individual a certain level of
self-understanding. The person gets a realization of what he/she truly is all
about. It helps in developing self-awareness. The person develops an
understanding of who he/she is, what are his/her strengths and weaknesses, what
is his/her true potential, what does he/she want from life, and why does he/she
belong here. On the whole, the individual is able to get some realistic perspective
about himself/herself, and develops purpose in life.
Once
this happens, the individual does not have too much difficulty in accepting that
he/she is unwanted and not liked by many. The person does not let it all affect
him/her too much and stops giving it a lot of importance. He/she develops an
understanding that he/she may not fit in within the normal and the usual, and
feels that perhaps that is what was meant to be. A feeling arises that instead
of trying to fit in, it is better to step aside and move away.
The
idea of not being accepted, then, no longer means the end of life. The individual
feels life has a greater purpose than just being accepted by others, and being part
of a larger social group. He/she builds a world of his/her own, becomes
goal-oriented, and tries not to become too affected by others’ opinions and
judgments. Within all this darkness, he/she tries to find happiness. The individual
develops a sense of meaning within the painful experience of social rejection.
From
the troubling and painful experience of not being accepted, judged, and falling
short of others’ expectations, the individual moves towards a sense of
positivity. Social rejection leading to aloneness tends to make the make the
person indulge in self-reflection. Self-reflection leads to self-awareness,
self-realization, and self-discovery.
No
one wants to be disliked and rejected by others. It becomes a troubling
experience for the individual and takes him/her away from the normal and the
usual. Out of all this, due to self-reflection, the individual rises above all
the negativity and moves towards a phase in which he/she finds meaning and
purpose in life. Social rejection, then, can take the individual towards self-discovery,
even if it is a troubled and painful path.
2 comments:
Thanks for this article
Lovely blogg you have here
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